The Cuckoo Club

Loved every minute there.

I had heard so much about Cuckoo, so I decided to book a table for dinner with my clients who came from Germany. I cancelled a table at Paper and Embassy because Alice from Cuckoo Club called me and said I could have a table at 8pm on Sat 12th April. We got to the club at 7.55pm and were told we had no table as it was given to a member!? I asked why this was so and they said it was the club's policy and I should have been informed!! Which I wasn't!

We were left with no reservations on a Saturday night, and the staff at Cuckoo were most unhelpful and very rude. They had this pompous, 'too bad' attitude. I will tell everyone of my experience and warn them to never go back. Places like this should be boycotted. They make their money from their patrons but treat them so badly. Anyone making a reservation here, beware! Don't bother with this place!

It's a very good place to have fun in, in particular if you know the staff and have been there a few times. Downstairs is, in my opinion as a regular, nothing special - except for an above-average spectrum of music genres (ie not only happy house/dance). Upstairs is more of a restaurant-turned-nightclub, which gives a great feeling of the Mediterranean and its many flavors. Very expensive cocktails though, even for London standards, so keep to champagne bottles or drink aplenty at the pre-party. Superb selection of eye candy for every taste and age (well, as long as you're below 40).

I feel compelled to write this review after reading so many of the comments below which, similarly to reviews of other members' clubs, all follow the same pattern. To those of you that wrote these, I have to ask – what will actually make you happy?? If you went to Cuckoo I can only assume that you have been to a members' club before, or at least went with friends that have, and therefore should have had a rough idea of what to expect. For those of you that are yet to venture into Cuckoo (or any of the similar venues), please understand the following. In these clubs there is always and will always be all, or at least a combination of, the following: overpriced drinks, rude door staff, wannabes, people that think far too much of themselves and, of course, the obligatory slightly overweight, overaged men using their wallets to get attention from women that really should know better.

If you can, get over it! Cuckoo is an awesome club, it has a great atmosphere, brilliant music and a crowd that knows how to party, and if you can’t make it on a week night Fridays and Saturdays are still good (unlike most West End venues!). If you can’t help but let some of its less desirable qualities ruin your night, go somewhere else – there are plenty of clubs in London.

Great place, and I agree with review below. Rated top club on A SmallWorld, which is a high-end network. Take bad reviews with a pinch of salt. This club is consistent and full of the right people. Reviews claiming they saw chavs were obviously by people who'd been left outside or were taken to Movida and told it was Cuckoo. The best in London, no doubt!

Reviews are usually written because people want to vent some anger for a bad experience they may have had. I am prone to only writing about a place that I have had a bad experience with. What stands out to me in the reviews below is the contrast between people having an amazing time to others having the worst of their lives. I went to the Cuckoo Club last Saturday for dinner and then drinks, and have decided to write this review to convince others on what I feel is happening with these reviews.

My dinner experience was truly fantastic! The food is excellent and I cannot fault the carpaccio nor the scallops that I had. The ladies I ate with felt the same way about the oysters and the beef wellington they had. The service was exceptional and the atmosphere was perfect. The surrounding tables consisted of a Tatler/Esq crowd and, although eating with 2 beautiful women, my eyes could not help but venture onto the women on the surrounding tables.

As the night progressed, I moved from the restaurant to my table downstairs. On the way I waited in the reception for the rest of my group to join from outside. This is where I feel a lot of the negative reviews are originating from.

There must have been 200 impatient people outside, all thinking they are somebody and judging from the crowd may have been, trying to get in. My guests were made to wait as others were allowed in but this was efficiently handled and me and my guests were understanding and happy with how we were treated. I did notice one thing however, which seems to be a policy of this club - if you look right and are part of this high-end society, you will be treated beautifully; however, if you do not look right or know the right people you will be moved along very quickly and sometimes abruptly.

This, I feel, is the cause of most of the bad reviews below. I cannot see how anyone can say the food, service or the crowd is bad in this place. I do not go clubbing very much any more as I travel for business and age has made me a little lazy. however, I know who's who and can spot a bad crowd from a high-end one. This place has the best crowd I've seen, and I've been to Annabel's, Tramp or any of the other Cuckoo attempts.

Cuckoo has attention to detail and the staff are friendly and accommodating. This club may not be for everyone, but if you want to socialize with young aristos and Euro-cash and mix with the surnames you read about in Vogue, Harpers etc, then I see no other club that touches this one. I will be going back on Halloween, as I hear the fancy dress parties they do are incredible and have just purchased my membership. So to finish where I started, take bad reviews as bitter individuals who haven't made the cut. This place ticks all the boxes: great-looking women and men, fun and cool music, great decor and comfort, great service and awesome food (better than most restaurants).

Worst club ever - very poor service, generally rude staff, no soul (unless you're into small men without any rhythm. More like a school disco - very 'High School, the Musical', only uglier.

Food is the best thing in this place. Best club with a great restaurant!

Still the top club in London.

Absolutely horrendous place. Existing members are begining to look elsewhere, as this dump is just not worth it.

Amazing... the best place in London.

Went there last week. Nice place. Got on the guest list and had dinner upstairs. The food was not too great but the staff upstairs were very friendly; (downstairs they are just the opposite - extremely rude, especially if you don't have a lot of money).

Worst place I've been in my life by far. Just pretentious rude people without any kind of conversation skills. And the staff are the worst of all - not just clueless, also arrogant and amazingly rude!

From the door to the bar to the waitresses and even the toilet attendents - all really friendly and cool... Then there's the DJ's - better than the other clubs, more rock 'n' roll. Some of the staff even show up at the after parties!

This place is unique.

The Cuckoo Club is an excellent experience. The likes of Chinawhite, Movida and Tramp have had their day. The likes of Amika, Maddox and Wardour are cheap imitations with no soul. The staff at Cuckoo are polite, the service is impeccable and the crowd is the only consistently high-end crowd in London. It is not all about the money at Cuckoo but class, which is why reality TV attention-seekers are not allowed in. Brilliant place and it is here to stay.

Don't know what all the fuss is about. Went there with some friends the other night, got shitfaced and had a laugh... Isn't that what a night out should be? If you're a wannabe, you can't afford it; if you can, then in my opinion there are better places... but, hey, each to their own.

Just like its predecessor, this place is a 'here today, gone tomorrow' kind of club, no different to a lot of other so-called 'high-end' clubs in London. Limited shelf life means that the owners have to make as much money out of the place as possible before it goes out of fashion. Somebody used the words "elegant and sophisticated" below. Hmmm... not how I would describe the Cuckoo Club. It's a dreadful place - rude staff, really overpriced for what it is. Don't be fooled by the comments below about letting the rif-raf in - again, it's like many of the nightclubs in London, they'll let anyone in as long as they're goodlooking, rich or well-connected enough. And before anyone asks, no I'm not one of those people who couldn't get in. Wish they had denied me entry though, it would have saved me some money!

Reading the reviews below has been hilarious! This site is supposed to be informative, but most of the below are reviews written by ranting, bitter people who have obviously not been allowed in. I have been going here since it launched, I am not a biased client and have a good understanding of the London high end social scene. This club consists of the entire Tatler set and the wealthiest individuals in the country. The only place you may find chavs is outside, as there is zero chance of them getting in to this place. The music, which seems to be such a hot topic, is exactly what it claims to be - rock and roll. If you don't like old classics by the Rolling Stones and Chilli Peppers, mixed with newer, more commercial rock and dance then go somewhere else, but please stop crying!

I've never seen so much cocaine in one place and I go to raves every weekend! Also, for a club that is supposed to be 'rock chic' they could have at least invested in a decent DJ. What is rocking about 80s pop music? Another overrated members' club that is outrageously priced and is essentially a meat market. Avoid.

The Cuckoo Club is the most elegant and sophisticated of all the high-end style venues. The food is great and the atmosphere awesome. If you don't want to hear sick rock and electro, go to another club! If you're not part of the Tatler social scene, you won't enjoy it. This is not a club for chavs or ghetto hip hop-loving punks. I've been going here from the start and the scene is Euro trash and young aristos. So don't go if you don't know!

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